Pretend Reality

Well there was just not one extra minute yesterday. No kidding. So, rather than just throw in the towel because I missed one day, I'm writing again today. Cause that's what skinny people do, that's why.

I'm not skinny, not by a long shot. In fact, I think I get fatter by the second. Whoops, there I go again.

But even though I feel fatter than I've ever been, I can still act like a skinny person. I can pretend.

And that means exercising, drinking water, eating smaller portions, choosing to skip dessert. It means all that and more.

So I'll keep pretending. 'Cause by pretending, I just might change my reality.

Decreasing in make-believe,
Aileen

Little bits

I did a little bit right today. I exercised--45 minutes on the elliptical. I drank lots of water. I had a smoothie for lunch, packed with fruits. I chose not to give into the temptation to overeat when that was precisely what I wanted to do.

But I have a long, long way to go to get my eating habits in line. Except, wait. I'm not sure that's really true. To reset my eating habits, I need to eat right the next time I eat. I can really do this just one meal at a time. I don't, today, have to eat right every day from now on. No. I just have to eat right for the next meal.

I think I can do that. I'm sure I can.

Decreasing one spark at a time,
Aileen

Fitness sparked

Today I taught not one, not two, but three fitness classes. The first one was a step class and I did a truly awful job. The class did not complain too much though, and I think we all got our heart rates up at least. The middle one was senior fitness--not too difficult. The last one, though, was muscle pump. I logged 110 minutes on the fitness tracker; I probably did more than that, but I was being conservative in my estimates.

Anyway it felt good to work out really hard today. I haven't worked out like that in well over a year. I'm thankful that I could still survive it.

These small steps are totally working for me. I just have to keep taking them. So far, so good.

Sparking right along,
Aileen

Sparking right along

So this website, www.sparkpeople.com, is totally awesome. totally. Okay, so don't tell anyone, but I am a bit fond of computer games. And Spark, when you get a certain number of points, you get a little virtual trophy! Love it. How do you get points? By achieving your goals and logging in--recording your accomplishments. Sick, maybe, but this accumulation of points, this awarding of trophies: I like it.

When I was in Weight Watchers, I loved getting my weekly stickers. Loved it. This is kinda the same thing. sweet.

Little bitty goals--that's what this program is all about. This week, I'm to write in my journal daily (that's you), exercise for 10 minutes a day, and drink 8 glasses of water. I can do that. Me, I need to feel successful in order to succeed. Achieving these itty bitty goals helps me feel accomplished and thus empowers me to achieve more. Nice.

Not really decreasing, but not so much increasing either.
Aileen

Restarting with a Spark

So I joined sparkpeople.com today to try to get myself on track. It's a great site. It urges you to set 3 goals in different categories to get started. One of mine is "write in a journal daily." So, here we go.

I truly must like my problems. At least I won't do what is necessary to solve them. It frustrates me that I'm caught in this crux: don't like the problem/don't like the solution either. What I would like is the result of the solution: a healthier weight, a more controlled life, increased longevity. Maybe that's where my focus needs to be--not on self denial, but on these benefits.

And yes, I know i've said that before. But I'm saying it again because I have to remind myself. Habits--good ones--are slow in forming.

Always starting over,
Aileen

Another day . . . another tip.

Okay here's a tip for the gourmands (is that a word?) out there. When I was frustrated by my constant desire for sweets, my sister said to try dark chocolate. Knowing me, she cautioned me to spend some money on it--not to get something too cheap. So I bought a smallish bar for three bucks. She said she breaks off pieces of it and eats it more like a lozenge than like a cookie. I tried it and wow oh wow how satisfying! Plus dark chocolate is good for you, right? At least a little bit?

Still drinking water. Up to 90 something ounces already today and it isn't even dark.

Seriously considering decreasing,
Aileen

Ounces, Favorites, and a Recipe

Good suggestion by my friend because I've been drinking water like a maniac. Yay me. Yesterday I got in about 150 ounces. Today over 100. So, good for me.

I started thinking about what makes eating right easier for me. One thing is fresh fruits and veggies. I will almost always make a healthful choice if it is available. The problem is when I have no good choices available. Like, I'd always prefer an apple to a vending machine snack. But if I don't have an apple, I feel compelled to get M&M's from the machine. Sure, I could get pretzels, but if I want something sweet . . . .

So having good foods in the house and not having redlight foods (read cheetos, Captain Crunch cereal, chocolate chip cookies) helps me a lot.

What good foods you ask? Apples. Always apples. And clementines. I don't care how much they cost because they are cheaper than a lap band, thank you very much. Bananas too. Oh, and a bunch of frozen and canned fruits. These things make it possible for me to make smoothies which save me on those days when I realize it is 7:00 and I've not had any foods from the ground all day.

Sandwich thins are my new favorite bread, but I still love wraps too. Salsa is a great snack enhancer. It can turn pretzels into a real treat. (1/2 cup = 1 veggie serving too!) Popcorn is another snack stable for me.

But here's what I did today that I'm just tickled pink over. See, I have the mega sweet tooth. I want sweets all the time. In fact, I think that I could eat sweets and only sweets and I would be happy as a clam. (For those who are counting, that's two cliche's in one paragraph. . . so far.) I'd forgotten about a great sweet that saved me when I was on WW before: frozen graham cracker and coolwhip sandwiches (we call them frozen grahams). This, by the way, is not for the gourmet cook. (You folk can just skip right onto the next paragraph with my sister.) This one is for the quick, short-cut, easy recipe cooks like me. Ready? Here's what you do: You take two graham crackers (squares not the full rectangle), put a dollop of fat free coolwhip between them, freeze, and feast. Yum! They are great. I'm not even kidding.

Still loving my shape-up athletic shoes. Awesome.

That's all for today. Wanting to decrease,
Aileen

Tuesday for 8 more minutes

Yes! I made it before midnight.

Today's tip: Skechers Shape-ups. I bought mine because a friend recommended them. I had a cash gift and a coupon so I went for it. I can't believe how much I like them. I thought it would be a long shot that they actually worked, but after 3 days of wearing them, I feel the (not-so) familiar post-work-out soreness in my abs and lower back. Suhweet. Check them out here: http://www.skechers.com/shoes-and-clothing/brands/skechers_shape-ups_shoes/list

Today's extra tip: Water. My friend Angela told me she is drinking 100 ounces a day. That's ONE Hundred. I complimented her on her obvious weight loss and asked her what she's doing to make that happen (I crossed my fingers that she would tell me she was taking a magic pill . . . No such luck). One thing she does is drink all that water. And yes, when you drink that much water, you get to burn lots of extra calories by running back and forth to the potty. That's just an extra benefit. I'm going to try it. We'll see.

I'll be back tomorrow, trying not to increase.
Aileen

Monday's posting on Tuesday

See here's the thing. I ran out of time yesterday. Mondays and Tuesdays don't really offer me any extra time. I'll shoot for two postings today. We'll see.

I'm sitting at the coffee shop and they are baking white chocolate rasberry scones. I'm certain that Heaven smells like this. Wow oh wow. Be still my nostrils.

I drank a rasberry smoothie, thinking that its sweetness would distract me. Didn't. Still would really like one of those hot, fresh, scones.

But, I'm not going to have one. Not this time. Maybe next time, but not today.

Trying to focus on decreasing,
Aileen

Pentecost Season

Well I made it through Lent, keeping my promise to eat five fruits/veggies a day. During that time, though, my computer crashed and I lost all interest in blogging. So now I'm back, again.

And in truth, I hate to be back. I hate to be back because I have still not decreased. In fact, I've increased. I drive myself crazy. Paul said it best, "I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do." (a paraphrase)

But if I really wanted it badly enough, wouldn't I do it? Isn't that just an excuse? I don't know but I know I am back again. Trying again.

Lent is 40 days. Pentecost is 50 days. So my goal for the next 50 days is to blog every day, no matter what. Maybe it will just be a sentence. Maybe it will be even less. But for the next 50 days, I'm blogging. We'll see if that works.

Hanging in, increase or decrease,
Aileen

It's not about the destination.

I'm sitting here watching the Biggest Loser (thank goodness for DVR). I just heard a contestant say, "I want to lose it faster so I can get there faster." Get there. Hmmm. Get where? And what will you do when you get there?

We do that, don't we? We think that if we can just get to that magic weight or perfect size. . . What's so hard to remember is that there is no such thing as magic, no such thing as pefection. The only thing that is real is the journey.

I once told my husband, "Okay, I'm done. I'm sick of not losing weight. I quit." And he said, "Okay. Now what?" (Smarty pants.)

But that's the question, isn't it? Okay, so you're not losing weight. Okay, so you quit. Now what? Well, now, you eat right and exercise anyway. . .because it's right, that's why, and because you can't quit. You just can't.

Not decreasing but not quitting either.
Aileen
BTW, new challenge coming up on Monday. Stay tuned.

Day what?

Yeah, so my Cyber Accountability partner here is great as long as I show up but is terrible about calling to check on me when I've been gone awhile. (Just when you think we're living in the Jetson's, you realize that 21st century robots don't so much have personalities like the animated robot maid of the Jetsons.)

Luckily, the Lenten Season is all around me and has done a great job of keeping me focused on getting those 5 fruits and veggies a day. I think today is like day 16 or 17 of Lent and I'm still on track.

The problem is that while I'm definitely making some great choices, I'm also making some stupid choices. Like what's with buying a bag of M&M's from the vending machine? What's that about? I know better. Dr. Phil says there's something I like about these bad choices. Dr. Phil says if I didn't like my problems, I'd get rid of them. So what is it? What do I like about sloth? What do I like about gluttony? These are the questions I'm asking myself these days. And I don't know the answers.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Romans 7:15. Paul says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Well. At least I'm not alone in this struggle. At least I'm not alone.

Fighting the Increase,
Aileen

Five a Day Everyday

Has been awhile since I've posted but that's not because i've dropped my lenten commitment. Rather, I've just been crazy busy--proving that even when I'm out of my mind busy I can still make healthful choices.

The two days I was at school, I had huge salads, with fruit for desert. I maxed out at 6 or 7 servings each day. Back at home, I have resorted to smoothies more times than not. Now this is not perfect--lumping all fruits and veggies into one meal. But sometimes, it's all i can do.

Perfection, though, is a lie. There is no such thing as perfect. Thus, our attempts at achieving perfection are always going to leave us questioning ourselves: "Did I do enough?" "Is it just right?" "Couldn't I have done something better?"

Good is possible. So is great. Even Superbly wonderful. But each of those tends to describe one particular event. Those words, at least when applied to our wellness behaviors, tend to be self limiting. "I made great choices today." or "I was amazing at the party tonight." Those are things you can celebrate. . .and then move on.

"Perfect" tends to be used in a negative way and does not seem to have an end in sight. That is, "Well, I wasn't perfect, but I did okay." or "I didn't make perfect choices today, but I did somethings right." Here, these perfectionists turned it around and cut themselves some slack. I think that shows that they knew in their spirits that perfection isn't theirs to have. The problem is those same people are still disappointed in themselves for falling short.

Let's shoot for good, great, amazing. Heck, let's just shoot for better. Cuz getting all five fruits/veggies in one meal is certainly better than not getting them at all.

Decreasing negative self-talk,
Aileen

Smoothie: The Great Fixer

When I get to the end of the day and realize I've had only one veggie or fruit, I get out my blender for a quick fix: one banana (which counts as two fruits), frozen strawberries, and some other fruit (tonight just fruit cocktail cuz that's what I had in the fridg). Add some milk or juice and poof: four fruits ready for sipping.

Five yesterday, five today. Now on to tomorrow.

Decreasing unconscious eating,
Aileen

5 4 5!

Woot!

As I'm chewing on my apple--choice #5 today--I thought I'd write and tell you about the new challenge. Ready? Okay. First a little background.

The main celebration of my faith is Easter: the time when Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ from death to life. Prior to that celebration, we observe a time called Lent. Lent is the 40 days (not including Sundays) leading up to Easter. During Lent, some Christians attempt a new habit--usually involving denial of some sort but not always.

I grew up Southern Baptist in a time when many Southern Baptists did not recognize the church calendar much--except for Easter, Christmas, and for some, Advent. So participating in Lent is new to me. For only the last six years, since I've been in a more liturgical (fancy word that sort of means "relating to formal worship") church have I entertained the idea of really observing Lent.

In high school, I was very familiar with Lent. My best friend was Lutheran. He always gave up sweets for Lent. (I thought he was crazy.) Every year he did this--and probably still does (married a Catholic don't cha know). Amazed me. Well, and baffled me too.

These days, I make an attempt at keeping Lent as well. (I tried giving up sweets--didn't work so well.) But, I have made a decision about this year's Lenten challenge.

I'm giving up not eating 5 fruits and veggies daily. That is, from now until Easter, I'm commiting to making 5-a-day my priority. Will you join me on the journey? We'll be travelling together for about 5 weeks. Are you in?

Decreasing excuses,
Aileen

5 on 4

Made it to day four and still vegging away. On to day 5 with a special announcement for tomorrow. Stay tuned. . .

Increasing my resolve,
Aileen

Day 3 and going strong

Didn't get to blog yesterday (wait, is blog a verb? doubt it) because I was at the college until weehours:30. But I had my 5 fruits/veggies yesterday and again today. Woot!

So here's the thing. It's really not that hard. Well, not if I'm thinking about it. The problem is I usually don't make the effort and so I get to the end of the day and can't remember anything I've eaten that came from the ground. But if I'm making healthy choices a priority, it's a piece of cake. (Well, you know what I mean.)

By tonight, I'd only had three fruits and needed to squeeze in one more (the puns are just everywhere, aren't they). I fixed myself a cup of applesauce (which = 2 servings) and heated it up in the microwave. I was cold, you see, so I didn't feel like eating a cold something. It was great. And filling too which always surprises me, frankly.

It surprises me because so many times I wander around my kitchen eating first one thing and then the next, trying to find something satisfying. "Handful of chocolate chips? Good, but no, that's not what I want after all. Cookie? Yum. But not what I was needing. How 'bout some ice cream? Yeah that's the ticket. I'll have some more. Now just a little something salty to cap it off. . . . Nachos?"

Crazy.

So applesauce is satisfying? Who knew?

Looking to day 4 as I decrease grazing,
Aileen

3 Veggies + 2 Fruits = 5 4 day 1

One of the great things about my school is that we get to eat in the cafeteria. Every day, these wonderfully sweet ladies cut up beautiful fresh veggies just so I can have a crisp, yummy salad. Isn't that the nicest thing?

Today we also had a potato bar so I had a baked potato to go with my salad. I'm counting that as 3 veggies, though it was probably slightly more.

Though I usually stop and get a sandwich on my way back from class (the drive takes about 1 hour & 20 minutes), today I decided to wait until I got home to eat. And guess what? I didn't starve! For my late night dinner, I had a bowl of cereal with bananas and blueberries (2+ servings of fruit)--bringing me to 5 and almost 6 green choices for the day.

For me, focusing on what I get to eat is much more motivating than thinking about what I should avoid. But here's the thing: when I'm focusing on my five, I don't eat as much junk. How 'bout that?

Let me know how it's working for you.

Increasing fruits and veggies!
Aileen

5 days, 5 ways

New challenge--at last: for 5 days, I'm going to get my 5 servings of fruits/veggies in. Starting today. Join me?

Increasing smart choices,
aileen

Day 10! Done!

Oh Yeah. 10 days straight!

New challenge tomorrow. Wanna know what it will be? Check back then.

Increasing my resolve,
Aileen

Day 9 and we're almost there!

Got up this morning and hit the YMCA before going to teach my Senior Fitness class. This was an especially impressive accomplishment because where I live it is wicked cold today and so windy I'm surprised my little honda didn't get swept away.

It's so easy to come up with excuses for not exercising. A few things help me to stay committed:
1. A work-out partner. My work-out partner is pretty much opposite from me in personality and I can say without question that she would never have approached me and asked me to exercise with her. Lucky for her, I had no qualms about getting in her business. So there we were at the Y one day and I noticed we were lifting about the same amount of weight on the machines. I told her I needed a partner; she said she did too. We consummated the relationship by exchanging email addresses and phone numbers, and presto! For the first time in years I have an exercise buddy.
2. Accountability. For me, that comes here, in the blog. But I've also had other sources of accountability. At one time my sister and I decided we were going to get up early and exercise together. Only problem, she lives about nine hours away from me. So, we called each other, did our work-out, and then called back to say we were done. It worked for awhile, but then the whole getting up early thing got in the way . . . The blog is available 24 hours a day. . .
3. Enjoyable exercise. Okay, the exercise itself doesn't really have to be enjoyable. I can't stand to walk or to run--either outside or in a neighborhood. But I enjoy these things with my work-out buddy because we get to visit. I also like to read and so working out on a cardio machine while reading is appealing to me. And I love to dance. Anything that comes remotely close to that is fun for me: Wii Fit, Dance Dance Revolution, Aerobics, all that.
4. A specific goal. Exercising every day for 10 days is a measurable, doable goal for me. Considering exercising consistently for the rest of my life makes me want a piece of cheesecake.

One more day.

Decreasing,
Aileen

Day 8--Check

So yesterday I got home at 11:10 and was asleep by 11:20. Thus, you didn't get an update.

I got about 5 minutes of calesthenics (however you spell that word) before I left for class. When I got to the campus, I strapped on my tennis shoes, tucked my text under my arm, and went to the gym. For 20 minutes, I walked around the gym and read my text.

So Day 8 and still going. Just call me the energizer bunny. No. don't.

Off to the gym for day 9.

Decreasing,
Aileen

One Week, One Weak.

Boy am I worn out today. I only got a couple hours of sleep last night because for some reason I was wide awake long after I should have been hanging out with the sand man. All day today, my energy level has been roughly equivalent to that of a limp dish rag. Thus, during my break at school I didn't exercise, I slept (because that was truly what was best for me). By the time I got home, it was 8:45 and my get up and go was way gone.

So, I didn't get my 20 minutes in. Here's what I did do though. I had a short walk--about 5 minutes or so--at school. And just now, I got down on the floor and completed 100 abdominal crunches.

Success? Well, sort of. I never would have done those crunches if it had not been for my challenge. (That's got to count for something.) Plus, I learned (or re-learned) that this is why you should plan to exercise every single day. Because some days it is seriously not possible because of health or scheduling, or whatever.

Tomorrow is a new day and it will be very hectic too. My plan is to exercise before school. I'll let you know . . .

Increasing lessons learned,
Aileen

Shout out to my new followers: WELCOME! Five more to get to my goal of 20 followers before my sister reaches 20 followers on her blog (my niece already has 60+ on her blog, so there's no competition there). Spread the word!

Day 6. YMCA = Multitask time

During the 65 minutes I spent on cardio machines at the Y today, I read a chapter of tomorrow's reading assignment. Gotta love that. And that really is the key, don't you think? Linking exercise to something that you love.

My youngest, Margaret, went with me to the Y because she loves to swim. We picked up a friend of hers and they swam for about 1 1/2 hours while I worked out. Margaret loves to swim. She loves the water, the splashing, the moving through space in slow motion. Me, not so much. I'd like swimming, I suppose, if I didn't get so wet doing it. If swimming were my only option, give me the couch and a remote control, cuz I'm not going somewhere to get soaking wet, no matter what other benefits might be involved.

But I do love accomplishing two things at once. So, the elliptical and a book make sense to me. I'll do that gladly. I also like music and people, so fitness classes work for me. My husband? He'd rather take a beating than an aerobics class. Give him a headset and a good pair of running shoes and he's good to go.

My other two kids enjoy sports, so whatever exercise they do, they link it to their sports. When my son lifts weights (which he doesn't particularly love), he's increasing his strength to be better at the sports he plays. When my oldest runs, she's improving her fitness so she'll be better at tennis.

Exercise can be fun, and really, I think it should be fun. Swimming--not fun for me. Lifting weights--mind numbing. Playing sports--hmmm, no. But doing something that enables me to spend time with my friends, listen to music, or read a book? Bring it on.

Looking to day 7, planning to decrease,
Aileen

Day 5. . .by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

Almost caved today. Seriously almost caved. See, I had a plan, I did. It was a good one too. . . you might even say it was one of my best laid plans . . .

So, once again, 11:00 got here and I'd not fulfilled my promise to myself. But then I thought about confessing to you and I decided to buck up and do it anyway. 23 minutes later, I wasn't nearly so frustrated over all the things that had postponed my exercise to that late hour.

Now, I should confess that even now as I see that 23 there, I think, "That's all? And you call that a work-out?" Quickly, I have to remind myself that 23 minutes is 23better than nothing. Last week, I'd never have dreamed of dragging out the Wii Fit board at 11:00. This week, I did 23 minutes. Not bad. Not a killer work-out, no, but it's something.

Tomorrow, I have a plan again. I plan to go to the YMCA and get a real work-out--an hour or so. And do I think it is important to plan for exercise. The important thing is to be flexible and to realize that if your plan is foiled, you may have to pull out the home equipment (which could be a pair of athletic shoes for you to walk/march in place for 30 minutes).

On to day 6 then, decreasing as I go,
Aileen

Day 4. On it.

Wii Fit for 30 minutes. Oh Yeah.

And here's the thing. In earlier days would never have "counted" 30 minutes as real exercise. In those days, I didn't have kids and I would frequently work out for 2 hours straight. Then, if I only had 30 minutes, I wouldn't exercise at all, because it didn't seem long enough to count.

And life goes on.

Now, I barely have 2 hours in a whole week to work-out. If I continued to apply the philosophy of work-out 2 hours or not at all, I'd be living in couch-potato city. (Is that how you spell potato? I'm never sure. Me and Dan Quayle.)

So I've worked out four days straight and gotten about two hours in already this week. Not bad for 20-30 minutes here and there.

In other news, welcome Emma! My 9th follower (and my very favorite niece North of the Mason-Dixon Line--bless her heart). Woot! Woot! Emma is a writer herself, so don't be surprised if she winds up plugging her own blog before long.

Meanwhile, my sister has started a blog! No. Seriously. I didn't believe it either, but I've seen it and it's true. Check it out at http://auroraiterumtemptat.blogspot.com/
Problem is, she opened her blog 3 days ago and already she has as many followers as I do. What's up with that? So come on readers, let me know you are out there. Comment. Follow. Something. . . . Or just keep reading and I'll believe you are really out there. That works too.

Decreasing excuses,
Aileen

Day 3. Better late than not at all.

So today wasn't a time issue, I just flat didn't feel like it. I put it off and put it off until finally it was Wii Fit or blow my challenge. So, once again, 10:20 pm, I got out the Wii Fit controller and balance board and was off to keep my promise to myself. I did 30 minutes. I got up a sweat too. So, well, yay me.

Plus my sister is following my blog now. She's not one for cyber-networking so she comes a little late to the show. You know, my sister was my very first work-out partner. Roller skating, biking, dancing, swimming (okay, not so much swimming: mainly we Baptized each other, but we're preacher's kids, so there you go). Not only that, she's always in my corner, always believing in me, no matter what size I wear. Everybody should have a sister. Everybody.

Back to decreasing. It's amazing how little one has to do right to feel better. I mean, I did not eat right today. I really didn't. But I exercised that extra 30 minutes and drank lots of water and poof, I don't feel like a total failure. Decreasing my self-loathing? Yep, I'd say that's worth whatever it takes.

Increasing self-awareness,
Aileen

Day 2. Check.

Well I didn’t have time today either and not because I didn’t make a plan. I did. But then my daughter got sick and I had to go get her from school and by the time I got her squared away my afternoon was gone and it was time for church. When I got home, I flat did not feel like exercising. I wanted to watch American Idol and my taped episode of Biggest Loser. The clock just kept ticking away.

I should say this though. I sort of had an out. You see, I teach fitness classes to Senior Adults so if “anything counts” as I said it did, then I could count my hour long class. But that would be keeping only the letter of the law, not the real spirit. My idea was to ADD 20 minutes (at least)of exercise every day for 10 days.

There I was, watching the contestants beat out their work-outs while I sat on my big fluffy . . .couch. 10:15 pm and I still had not added my extra 20 minutes. So, I hoisted my assets of the sofa and got down on the floor for 20 minutes of sit-ups, leg lifts, and more. I wound up spending 22 minutes, actually, and I feel like more than a conqueror.

If I keep this up, I’m thinking
I will decrease,
Aileen

Day 1

So I didn't have time to exercise today. I really didn't. It was my first day back of the semester and I was swamped with campus-related errands and just getting back into the routine. In fact, I even tried to go to the gym before my 3:00 class but remembered one more thing I needed to do before the campus shop closed.

But I couldn't miss the first day! It was my challenge afterall, so I couldn't blow it the very first day.

20 minutes, I told myself. 20 minutes. All you have to do is 20 minutes. Between my last two classes, I had an hour. After switching my book bag for my gym bag, I had about 50 minutes. Once I moved my car to avoid any chance of a parking ticket, I was down to about 40. I needed time to change in and out of clothes and walk back to class. So, quick change, on the precor/cross-trainer/elliptical, whatever you call it, for 21 minutes, then back into school clothes and on to class.

I didn't have time to exercise, I really, really didn't. But then I made exercise a priority and I got it done. Not much, granted, but I feel so much better having accomplished at least that.


Trying to decrease,
Aileen

PS didn't get in on day one of the challenge? You can still join us. We take latecomers!

10 Day Exercise Challenge

Anything counts. 20 minutes or more. Walking, running, dancing, vigorous vacuuming :), Wii Fit, toning (situps, pushups, leg lifts, etc), Yoga (not the sit and think about your life kind, but the work your body kind.)

Join me? If so, exercise today and report back.

10 days. From now until February 12. Everyone wants to be in shape by Lincoln’s birthday, right?

Let’s decrease,
Aileen

She Meant Well, Bless Her Heart

It’s been nearly six years ago, but I remember it painfully well.

“I know you,” she said turning to face me, her head cocked to one side. We were standing side by side at the mirror in the YMCA locker room drying our hair. “Didn’t you used to be really skinny?”

Now just how am I supposed to answer that? A part of me wants to say, “Why, yes. I’m a recovering anorexic. How do you like my new voluptuous figure?” Or “I was skinny for a time, but I think that was just the chemo.”

The bigger (well less skinny) part of me wants to start explaining. “Yeah, I used to be a size ‘skin and bones’ but then my husband went to Iraq and I made some bad choices and then when he came back I had some health issues that took precedence but now I’m really trying I mean I exercise all the time and I eat right most of the time and I always drink lots of water and . . . blah blah blah blah listen to my business blah blah blah.”

But all of me wants to scream at her, “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I say that to myself every single time I see myself in the mirror? Don’t you know?”

The truth is, though, she really doesn’t. She is actually not ruled by her weight. And she really didn’t know that her words cut right into the most vulnerable places in my soul. Sure, she didn’t think before she spoke. Sure, she said something most people would consider either nosy or flat out rude. But she wasn’t trying to cut my heart out. She was just trying to figure out if I was the person she thought I was. That really is all. And maybe, just maybe, she left there thinking, “I cannot believe I just said that to her. What is wrong with me? I never think before I speak. I never say the right thing. I’m such a loser.”

I’m just saying, we don’t have to bare our souls when our feelings get hurt, and we don’t have to snap back in anger either. We could say to ourselves, “Wow, that person just said something that hurt me. Ouch. I think I’ll move on now and not carry this hurt with me. Besides, she probably wasn’t trying to hurt me. She just made a mistake.”

I make mistakes all the time. I figure I can give a little grace to others when they mess up. At least that way, I decrease my self-loathing and increase my capacity to forgive.

Increasing Awareness, Decreasing Judgment,
Aileen

Tracked

Want to know what amazes me? It amazes me how quickly one can get back on track if one puts in just minimal effort.

Today I made right choices. Nothing huge, just didn’t overeat like a crazy woman, increased my water intake, and recorded my selections. And after just one day, I feel better. I feel more in control, less hopeless.

Focus: easy to lose, hard to get back. But it’s a choice, isn’t it? I chose to focus today. And because I did, I have hope for tomorrow.

Increasing right choices,
Aileen

Confessions of a Disgusted Dieter.

It's embarrassing. I do so well for so long and then I so totally blow it. I'm disgusted with myself. And the truth is I'm definitely not back on track yet.

I am exercising. I'm doing that right. I'm drinking water, too. So that's two things. But I'm eating like a fool, a complete and utter fool.

And when I do this, I start looking at radical solutions: the diet pills, the fat wraps, the extreme food plans. It's crazy. I don't actually give in to the "get thin quick" schemes. I know they are lying. I just like to listen every now and then and to allow myself to believe the hype. It's a lovely fantasy: take this pill, be thin tomorrow. I grown faint from the attraction of it.

But WHAT a waste of emotional energy. I could just eat right. Then I could have real results rather than the fantasy figure I've been swooning over in the diet foods aisle.

At times like these, I forget that I'm most free when I am in control. I forget that I feel most content when I am not satiated. I forget all that and I fall back into the familiar habits that got me here in the first place.

Disgusting.

So, no promises. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I'll do one additional thing right. We'll see.

Knowing I must decrease, fighting the urge to increase,
Aileen