I'm going to make Friday my official weigh-in day. I find that works best for me because then I have the week to correct any mistakes of the weekend. So I've weighed in this morning and I didn't like what I saw. I'm so tempted to connect my self-worth to the number on the scale. The higher the number, the more worthless the girl. I look at old pictures of myself and can't believe I've allowed this to happen. I want to quit before I start--worthless folk don't succeed anyway.
Instead I walked away from that number telling myself that everyone has their struggles. This is mine. And that makes me neither good nor bad unless I allow it to define me. I choose today to see myself through Debbie's eyes. Through Traci's. Through my sister's. Through Mother's. I've never heard one of them say, "Ya know, I'd love you Aileen, but you're just so fat." They tell me they value me for who I am, and they never qualify that in any way by my weight. I'm going to try to think like they do today.
The mirror tells me those dear ones are lying. The scale laughs in their faces. But I know the truth: it is the mirror and the scale that deceive me.
I Must Decrease,
Aileen
One more thing: my goal today is to stay within the WW points value and to drink more water.
The mirror and the scale. I love it! The images are concrete, they work, and playful as the mirror "invokes" developmental stages and Lacan's gaze, but is pitted against another way we see ourselves--through the eyes of the scale. Great stuff, Aileen!
ReplyDelete(and good for me to read, too, btw)