One more thing

I just added up all my points for the day as best i could. I may have been off a little, but I think i came pretty close. (Carrabbas is not listed on the ww website.) And WHOA! What a lot of points. But I wrote it down. How 'bout that? I usually have no idea how much I eat. This I have to count as success. I wrote it down. That's major. Now, I don't have many flex points left for the (ahem) WHOLE DADGUM WEEK. . . but that's okay. I was honest and aware today. Wow. If that's not success. . .well, I don't know what is.

Keeping my eyes wide open, watching myself decrease--in more ways than one.
Aileen

2nd Chances

This i know: messing up one day does not a failure make. Today was Jay's birthday. My parents are here. We celebrated by going to Carrabbas. I don't know how many points i had: too many for sure. But I made the best choices i could from the menu and brought some home for tomorrow--because there is a tomorrow, regardless of the bad choices I made today.

Counting points and moving on. Forgiving myself and starting again. That's what skinny people do. That's what i'm doing. And over time, I will decrease. I will.

Aileen

Decreased

First week--down 5 pounds. Not a bad start. That leaves 35 for the rest of the journey. For some reason, 35 sounds a lot more reasonable, a lot more attainable than 40. But then, maybe that's because i just survived the first week and it's starting to feel possible.

On to week two then.
Decreased by a bit,
Aileen

Week 1: Complete

I've finished my first week on Weight Watchers online and I feel good about my progress. I could have done better for sure. But I could have done much, much worse.

I know because I had been doing much worse. I'd been eating like I had no sense: cookies, candy, 2nds & 3rds. Eating way too much of my favorites, but also too much of things I don't love. Unconscious, mindless, can't-seem-to-stop-myself, eating. Crazy.

It's a telling thing that poverty runs rampant in this country, leaving many Americans starving, while way too many people, like me, choose to use food inappropriately, thereby gaining excessive weight. Why the dichotomy? Where's the middle ground? It makes me sad when I realize that I'm part of the problem. I'm part of the reason the middle ground is lost.

But I don't have to stay in the extreme, do I? Choices. For me, it's all about choices. I can choose to make decisions that benefit my health. People who are starving do not have the latitude that I have. Because I can do what is right, I must do what is right.

Tomorrow I start week two. And if I eat right and exercise, I'm guessing that I will in fact decrease.

Aileen

PS Would love your comments--just so I know you are out there. :)

Are you out there?

So i'm curious. Anybody reading? 'Course maybe it's best I don't know because it's best for me to think people are reading--makes me feel accountable. So, if no one comments, I'm going to pretend you just want to remain annonymous. But if you are there, leave me a comment, K?

Trying to increase followers while I decrease self,
Aileen

Just not that easy. . .

I wish it were easy, I really do. But for me, it's not. Maybe it is for some people, but it is not for me.

The thing is, though, just because it is hard does not mean I should quit. Too many times I do quit because it's hard, or because I don't like it, or because I would just rather not. But that's just silly, isn't it? Because life is hard. I can't quit because the going gets rough, I just can't.

So, I'm not quitting. I'm taking it day by day, meal by meal, moment by moment. And by doing that, I think I might just decrease.

Aileen

Close Call

Again I'm amazed. By increasing my water intake and my intake of 0 point veggies, I've been able to make it through the day, adding just a couple of flex points to my total. And I didn't die or anything. Who knew? And get this: I've been laying off the desserts. (By the way, I can't stand spelling that word 'cuz I always think I'm wrong. Let's establish right now that I don't eat sand of any sort.) So anyway, I'm cutting way back on sweets and that hasn't killed me either. Whoa. This is all news to me. Really, really good news.

I'm betting this might help me decrease.
Aileen

Disappearing Points

YIKES! It's only 3:46 and my points are disappearing at a rapid rate. I've been extra sleepy today and have battled the fatique with milk-laden coffee and light, but frequent snacks. Gonna have to watch it to make today a success.

Better start drinking gallons of water and eating lots of 0-points foods if I'm going to decrease.

Aileen

A New Day, A New Challenge

Started off great--hearty breakfast of light English muffin with egg/egg white, and a tablespoon of shredded cheese: only 3.5 points! Had an apple at 10:30 when I normally hit the vending machine.

Then I had to go to a luncheon at the college. Then I had a dinner meeting tonight. At 12:00, success was looking pretty unlikely.

But, the luncheon included fresh cut fruit so I loaded a salad plate with that, not the pasta salad that I love and could have had. The next choice was between ham and cheese sandwiches and grilled chicken wraps. Both were halved. I went for the wrap and it was delicious. Crisis averted. But wait! For dessert: chocolate chip cookies--my favorite.

Normally I would have started with two, then grabbed one to go. Not today. Knowing I could not stop with one coookie, I went back for more fruit instead, skipping the cookies altogether. And guess what? I was satisfied! Completely. And not a little smug, if I do say so.

The dinner meeting included a great salad bar--good news for me. But, uh oh, the main course was baked beans and barbecue. This, however, is where my finicky stomach comes in handy. I could have eaten that food--but I would have been sick for two days. (Illness, I've found, can be a great deterent to bad choices.) So, I had a salad, a roll, and potatoes. Now the potatoes were a casserole, not really clean food, but with all the fruits and veggies I'd had today, I was in pretty good shape with my points. Crisis averted. But wait! For dessert: OMG! Ice cream sundaes--my favorite.

Normally I would have shoveled the ice cream in the bowl, squirted out more than my share of chocolate, and topped the whole concoction with a tower of whipped cream. But, tonight, I had a second salad. And guess what? That's right! I was satisfied. Amazing.

Facing tomorrow with hope that I will decrease,
Aileen

Challenges Met

Today was full of challenges but I got through pretty well. We went out to lunch at a place called Hibachi Grill. We have a similar place here in Asheville called Asiana. It's heaven. Absolutely Heaven. Every kind of oriental food you can imagine, along with a generous selection of American food and a great variety of deserts. And as if there weren't enough deserts, my mother-in-law brought along a birthday cake for Jay whose birthday is Friday. It was placed right in front of Jay and since we were sitting across from each other it was necessarily right in front of me. Fingers full of icing just waiting to be snatched.UGH!

I started by getting a plate full of mixed greens which I topped with green peppers and broccoli. I added a little cheese and a little honey mustard. Then I got steamed shrimp added them to my salad. In addition, I loaded up on fresh fruits. When cake time came, I was still working on the fruit. By the time I was ready for cake, everyone else was almost finished. So, I cut the tiniest piece I could--about three bites in all--and that was somehow satisfying. (probably because everyone was ready to go by then.)

Then tonight, we cooked pancakes and waffles for the youth at church. Instead of having a waffle, which I know has oil in it, I opted for the pancakes which are lower in fat. I had three--4.5 points--and syrup. It wound up being 9 points, but I had them to spend since I'd made good choices earlier.

What is amazing about conscious eating is how very satisfying it is. When I'm eating like a maniac, I never feel satisfied. I want more, more, more. But when I keep track, my daily points value is enough, or at least nearly enough. I always forget this and allow myself to slip back into the habit of mindless consumption, thinking that is the path to satisfaction. What a lie. It's that paradox: by choosing to control what I eat, I'm free to eat what I like. When I choose to allow my food choices to control me, I am in bondage to those choices, never able to satisfy the cravings.

I choose freedom. I choose to decrease,
Aileen
PS I did exercise yesterday! 1 hour brisk walking with my sister-in-law. Felt great!

A New Day

I made it through yesterday without going over my points and without going into flexpoints. Amazing! I got the water, fruits & veggies, and milks in too. I always struggle with the olive oil and the lean protein, but I'm pretty satisfied with yesterday over all. It's a huge accomplishment for me to stay within my points--well even to be cognizant of what is going into my mouth is a leap from the norm.

So far so good today. The goal for today is EXERCISE! That's one of the many keys to this journey, I know.

I must decrease,
Aileen

Gratification not so instant

I gotta say, I want instant results. I know, I've been eating right for like two days, so what should I expect, right? Well, I want to look in the mirror and see a beauty in the image of Twiggy that's what. (I never said I was rational.)

I'm just saying, if I skip a cookie, I want to lose a pound. And I want it to be one of those pounds whose absence will be missed, not one of those hidden ones that falls off out from under my armpit or something.

I know it's a journey. I know the benefits far outweight the reflection in the mirror and the measure on the scale. But I do want those instant results. I do.

In it for the long haul because, really, I Must Decrease,
Aileen

Signed up and Weighed in

I'm all signed up for www.weightwatchersonline.com. It's a good program. I just need to follow it.

I'm going to make Friday my official weigh-in day. I find that works best for me because then I have the week to correct any mistakes of the weekend. So I've weighed in this morning and I didn't like what I saw. I'm so tempted to connect my self-worth to the number on the scale. The higher the number, the more worthless the girl. I look at old pictures of myself and can't believe I've allowed this to happen. I want to quit before I start--worthless folk don't succeed anyway.

Instead I walked away from that number telling myself that everyone has their struggles. This is mine. And that makes me neither good nor bad unless I allow it to define me. I choose today to see myself through Debbie's eyes. Through Traci's. Through my sister's. Through Mother's. I've never heard one of them say, "Ya know, I'd love you Aileen, but you're just so fat." They tell me they value me for who I am, and they never qualify that in any way by my weight. I'm going to try to think like they do today.

The mirror tells me those dear ones are lying. The scale laughs in their faces. But I know the truth: it is the mirror and the scale that deceive me.

I Must Decrease,
Aileen

One more thing: my goal today is to stay within the WW points value and to drink more water.

Followers? Following.

I suppose I've gotten a case of the big head right along with getting a bigger self. I really expected to have more followers (Not that I don't LOVE you two 'cuz I do). But folk act like they crazy 'bout my writing so I guess I thought I'd have at least 5-10 folk make the leap over to here. Pride, as they say. . . But, it's only day two, right?

I did not exercise today but I did eat right and I did drink more water. Plus, I got in more fruits and veggies. So, a good day overall.

Wondering about the name for the blog? Check out John 3:30:

"He must increase, but I must decrease."(NASB)

I really must decrease. And Christ must increase in me: That people would look at me and see Christ. That Christ in me would grow so that people could no longer see me. I must decrease my weight. But oh how I long to decrease not just the weight but the flesh as well. And as the flesh decreases, that the Christ who lives within me would fill to overflowing the void.

On to Blog day 3.

Points not Optional Calories, etc.

Back in 1989 when I joined Wt Watchers for the first time, there was no such thing as POINTS. We had selections and optional calories. For breakfast, I ate an English muffin or a bagel with an egg and cheese. That equaled 2 bread selections, 1 protein and 1 dairy. It was a good way to start the day. I was pretty successful back then when I was, let's see, 12 or something, and so I thought I'd start the day similarly today.

High fiber, high protein English muffin--2 points
1 egg + 1 egg white--2 points
Just a bit of shredded cheese--about a half a point.
So, let's just say 5 points for breakfast. A good start.

Yesterday, I didn't drink nearly enough water. Gotta fix that today. And I'm going to be tempted to avoid exercise because my workout partner is unavailable. So I'm going to view exercise as an opportunity to get some reading/listening done. I can read on the treadmill at the Y. I can also study Hebrew while I lift weights. It's going to be hard to make myself go when there is no real live accountability though.

Blog day 2. Here we go.

Getting started

I've been saying it at least since June but really since 2005: "I've got to lose some weight." Only now I'm saying it like this: "I've got to lose some weight because I'm fatter than I've ever been."

So here's what I'm going to do.

• I'm going to join http://www.weightwatchersonline.com/ because they are the best and I know it will work if I follow the guidelines.
• I'm stepping up my work-outs.
• I'm signing up for a 5K
• I'm starting this blog so I'll have accountability.

Come on the journey with me. I'll not be promoting this blog like I do my others www.aileenonline.com/b2, so if you like it, sign up for updates. If you think someone else will like it, invite them to follow along.

And it will be a journey. I need to lose 40 pounds. At a pound a week, give or take Thanksgiving & Christmas, it should take a year. Might as well get started.